Breakfast not included

Ten minutes to nine, and I hit the buffet,

They’re clearing up now, I’ve no time to play.

18.99 was too much to pay,

This really wasn’t a good place to stay.

Picking up a watermarked plate,

The crockery is in a frightful state.

The marks on this one are too grim to ignore,

Move up the line across a gross sticky floor.

Couple of people waiting on me,

As I pick and choose through the cutlery.

Stainless steel forks with suspect stains,

The two push past me as their patience wanes.

Once tooled up, I join the back of queue,

For rubbery bacon that’s hard to chew.

Fried eggs are gone, and I don’t like scrambled,

Cursing myself, for I should not have ambled.

Sat in the dish, a cold lonely pair,

Of fat-ridden sausages awaiting me there,

Take half a spoonful of lukewarm beans,

Empty dishes vanish off behind the scenes,

Pale button mushrooms, cold and wet,

Thank god the hash browns have not run out yet.

Skip the black pudding, it’s just not for me,

I go off in search of a pot of hot tea.

Instead I find cereals, with a plastic scoop,

A bowl of yoghurt that just looks like goop.

Muesli, granola, and grains of that ilk,

I could have some of that, but where is the milk?

Located the jug, slick with condensation,

Left by some prat in the wrong location.

Put soft flakes in a bowl that holds precious few,

Not my favourite, but they’ll have to do.

Back to the line, for a second course,

Bit more bacon, and some dried up sauce.

Some morsels of fruit, bathing in juice,

And rubbery cheese, which isn’t much use.

I place hardening bread on the toast conveyor,

Then nothing to do but stand, wait, and stare

Back through again for a second pass,

It’s suddenly cremated, my, what a farce.

Pick up the toast, and a small butter pack, 

Grab a couple of napkins from the top of the stack.

Select for myself a minuscule pot of jam,

And completely swerve that leathery ham.

Despite severe lack, I’ve managed to fill,

Just cobbled together enough of a meal.

Discard empty jar, and banana peel,

Still think 18.99 was a terrible deal.